Speech Debelle is the latest artist who won't get to tour America due to visa problems. She was scheduled to make her North American debut at the Product Shop NYC CMJ Showcase at Glasslands on October 20th. That show is still very much happening and will feature Sean Bones, Right on Dynamite, ECHOecho, Beat Radio and a special guest to be announced shortly.
It is with great regret that Speech Debelle must cancel her upcoming debut US performances this October in NY and LA, including all of her showcases at the 2009 CMJ Music Marathon. Due to unforeseen Visa delays, she regretfully has to pull any upcoming appearances and will be looking forward to rescheduling her US debut sometime early in 2010.
Comments (510)
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Posted on September 17, 2011 5:28 AM
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Posted on September 17, 2011 9:24 PM
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Posted on September 17, 2011 9:28 PM
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Posted on September 17, 2011 9:28 PM
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Posted on September 17, 2011 9:35 PM
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Posted on September 17, 2011 9:52 PM
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:03 PM
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:09 PM
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:23 PM
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:23 PM
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:24 PM
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:40 PM
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:42 PM
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:43 PM
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:49 PM
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Posted on September 17, 2011 10:54 PM
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:03 PM
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:10 PM
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:18 PM
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:22 PM
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:24 PM
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:39 PM
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:41 PM
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:42 PM
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:48 PM
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Posted on September 17, 2011 11:53 PM
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:00 AM
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:01 AM
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:08 AM
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:18 AM
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:19 AM
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:21 AM
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:22 AM
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:34 AM
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:37 AM
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:41 AM
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:47 AM
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:49 AM
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:52 AM
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:08 AM
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:19 AM
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:26 AM
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:27 AM
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:36 AM
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:46 AM
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:46 AM
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:05 AM
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:05 AM
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:05 AM
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:18 AM
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:19 AM
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:23 AM
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:24 AM
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:38 AM
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:45 AM
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:53 AM
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:08 AM
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:11 AM
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:16 AM
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:30 AM
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:48 AM
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:49 AM
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:20 AM
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:42 AM
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:45 AM
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:59 AM
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:13 AM
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:27 AM
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:41 AM
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:56 AM
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:09 AM
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:22 AM
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:36 AM
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:50 AM
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:52 AM
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:17 AM
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:28 AM
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:31 AM
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:45 AM
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:59 AM
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:11 AM
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:26 AM
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:38 AM
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:40 AM
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:45 AM
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:56 AM
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:11 PM
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:16 PM
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:24 PM
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:38 PM
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:39 PM
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:39 PM
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:40 PM
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:53 PM
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:54 PM
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Posted on September 18, 2011 12:55 PM
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:11 PM
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:32 PM
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:36 PM
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:38 PM
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:40 PM
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:46 PM
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Posted on September 18, 2011 1:55 PM
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:10 PM
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:11 PM
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:20 PM
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:21 PM
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:22 PM
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:40 PM
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:48 PM
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:54 PM
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Posted on September 18, 2011 2:58 PM
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:00 PM
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:08 PM
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:26 PM
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:31 PM
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:32 PM
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:32 PM
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:32 PM
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:34 PM
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Posted on September 18, 2011 3:40 PM
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:00 PM
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:00 PM
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:00 PM
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:01 PM
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:01 PM
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:01 PM
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:02 PM
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:10 PM
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:14 PM
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:17 PM
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:17 PM
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:17 PM
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:23 PM
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:29 PM
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:33 PM
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:33 PM
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:33 PM
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:40 PM
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:45 PM
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:48 PM
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:49 PM
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:49 PM
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:49 PM
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Posted on September 18, 2011 4:57 PM
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:04 PM
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:04 PM
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:05 PM
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:11 PM
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:11 PM
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:13 PM
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:15 PM
The truth is more important than the facts.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:20 PM
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:35 PM
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:35 PM
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:51 PM
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:51 PM
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:51 PM
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:52 PM
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Posted on September 18, 2011 5:52 PM
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:05 PM
The truth is more important than the facts.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:21 PM
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:22 PM
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:32 PM
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:32 PM
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:35 PM
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:37 PM
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Posted on September 18, 2011 6:51 PM
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:06 PM
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:11 PM
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:20 PM
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:35 PM
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Posted on September 18, 2011 7:51 PM
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:06 PM
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:21 PM
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:30 PM
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:35 PM
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Posted on September 18, 2011 8:50 PM
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:10 PM
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:33 PM
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Posted on September 18, 2011 9:47 PM
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:40 PM
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Posted on September 18, 2011 10:54 PM
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:18 PM
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:31 PM
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:36 PM
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Posted on September 18, 2011 11:55 PM
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Posted on September 19, 2011 12:33 AM
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Posted on September 19, 2011 12:44 AM
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Posted on September 19, 2011 1:11 AM
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Posted on September 19, 2011 1:20 AM
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Posted on September 19, 2011 1:49 AM
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Posted on September 19, 2011 1:56 AM
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Posted on September 19, 2011 2:28 AM
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Posted on September 19, 2011 3:05 AM
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Posted on September 19, 2011 3:08 AM
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Posted on September 19, 2011 3:40 AM
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:20 AM
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:02 AM
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:03 AM
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:09 AM
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:31 AM
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Posted on September 19, 2011 3:46 PM
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:07 PM
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:09 PM
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:13 PM
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:14 PM
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:22 PM
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:29 PM
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:32 PM
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:38 PM
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:53 PM
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Posted on September 19, 2011 4:55 PM
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:14 PM
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:15 PM
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:30 PM
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:35 PM
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:46 PM
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Posted on September 19, 2011 5:57 PM
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:25 PM
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:26 PM
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:26 PM
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:45 PM
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:51 PM
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:52 PM
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:52 PM
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Posted on September 19, 2011 8:59 PM
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:08 PM
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:13 PM
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:23 PM
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:24 PM
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:29 PM
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:39 PM
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:41 PM
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:45 PM
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:55 PM
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:58 PM
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Posted on September 19, 2011 9:59 PM
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:01 PM
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:09 PM
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:16 PM
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:17 PM
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:24 PM
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:38 PM
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:46 PM
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:47 PM
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Posted on September 19, 2011 10:51 PM
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:06 PM
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:07 PM
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:13 PM
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:21 PM
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:22 PM
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:30 PM
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:36 PM
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:37 PM
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:47 PM
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:50 PM
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Posted on September 19, 2011 11:53 PM
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:00 AM
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:04 AM
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:07 AM
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:10 AM
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:19 AM
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:28 AM
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:33 AM
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:38 AM
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:44 AM
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:47 AM
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:48 AM
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:01 AM
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:03 AM
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:05 AM
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:13 AM
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:19 AM
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:23 AM
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:31 AM
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:34 AM
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:41 AM
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:46 AM
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:49 AM
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:50 AM
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:59 AM
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 AM
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:18 AM
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:18 AM
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:20 AM
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:28 AM
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:33 AM
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:37 AM
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:38 AM
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:48 AM
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:56 AM
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:56 AM
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:02 AM
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:06 AM
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:13 AM
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:16 AM
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:16 AM
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:29 AM
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:31 AM
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:34 AM
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:44 AM
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:45 AM
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:51 AM
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Posted on September 20, 2011 3:59 AM
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:01 AM
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:08 AM
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:14 AM
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:15 AM
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:21 AM
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:27 AM
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:30 AM
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:31 AM
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:45 AM
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:45 AM
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:48 AM
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Posted on September 20, 2011 4:59 AM
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:00 AM
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:04 AM
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:06 AM
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:12 AM
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:24 AM
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:27 AM
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:38 AM
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:42 AM
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:43 AM
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:43 AM
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Posted on September 20, 2011 5:57 AM
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:00 AM
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:02 AM
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:11 AM
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:16 AM
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:20 AM
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:25 AM
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:32 AM
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:37 AM
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:40 AM
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:46 AM
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Posted on September 20, 2011 6:55 AM
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:02 AM
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:13 AM
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:17 AM
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:31 AM
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:34 AM
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:50 AM
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Posted on September 20, 2011 7:52 AM
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:09 AM
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:10 AM
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:27 AM
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:29 AM
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:44 AM
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Posted on September 20, 2011 8:47 AM
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:05 AM
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:13 AM
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:22 AM
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:28 AM
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:40 AM
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Posted on September 20, 2011 9:44 AM
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:05 AM
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:06 AM
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:21 AM
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:24 AM
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:37 AM
I am not young enough to know everything.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:42 AM
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:52 AM
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Posted on September 20, 2011 10:59 AM
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:06 AM
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:16 AM
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:22 AM
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:35 AM
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:38 AM
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:40 AM
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:41 AM
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:41 AM
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:41 AM
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:42 AM
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:53 AM
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Posted on September 20, 2011 11:55 AM
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:13 PM
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:29 PM
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:32 PM
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:33 PM
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:34 PM
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:34 PM
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:34 PM
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:34 PM
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:34 PM
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:35 PM
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:35 PM
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:35 PM
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:35 PM
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:36 PM
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:45 PM
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Posted on September 20, 2011 12:50 PM
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:00 PM
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:04 PM
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:04 PM
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:04 PM
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:04 PM
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:04 PM
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:07 PM
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:15 PM
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:24 PM
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:27 PM
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:30 PM
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:33 PM
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:33 PM
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:34 PM
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:34 PM
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:41 PM
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Posted on September 20, 2011 1:46 PM
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:00 PM
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 PM
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 PM
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 PM
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 PM
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:03 PM
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:05 PM
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:20 PM
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:21 PM
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:32 PM
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:33 PM
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:33 PM
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:36 PM
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:37 PM
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:38 PM
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:39 PM
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:45 PM
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:46 PM
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Posted on September 20, 2011 2:49 PM